The Rest Room
The Queensland Times, August 9, 1986. Age 9
This year's Open Boys Soccer team started the year pessimistically. With a thumping by Bundamba and an absolute mauling by Redbank, we conceded to the fact that were going to miss the semi-finals for the first time in five years. But like the Phoenix rising form the ashes, our once humble team that liked a kick-a-bout, had now turned into a furious football terrier, playing champagne football on the evergreen Bremer soccer oval, at least when the ball wasn't in a hole. Our season was turned around. With a flogging of St Peter Claver and the demolition of Ipswich State High, we waltzed our way into the semi's with guts (should read gusto but the dicks that put the paper together didn't know shit) Coming back from 2-0 down against St Peter Claver, we levelled the score and won 3-0 in the penalty shoot-out. We frolicked with joy.
Our showdown with Redbank was hard-fought. Once again we had comeback from behind to pull level. After 110 gruelling minutes, the Coalstars A-grade wanted to train so we decided to have a penalty shootout. We WON! We danced about frivolously once more. Thanks to Ms Bouel for 'coaching', and a special mention to Neil McGhee, it's hard to play football with knickerbockers.
1994 Bremer State High School yearbook, age 17
Seymour fronted the judiciary on a reckless tackle count on Frenchville's Kevin Burns on May 26 for which he was sent off in the eighth minute of play.(That must be some kind of record)
Seymour, a wide-midfielder, said he had to take the decision on the chin.
"I've learned my lesson and I'll have to look at more diciplined play," Seymour said.
"It could have been a lot worse, so I'm not taking it lightly".
"I'll just have to keep myself in check."
University coach, Lyle Spyve said it was a fair decision by the judiciary.
"It was a late tackle and the judiciary are there to see that justice is done," Spyve said.
Spyve(sic) will only miss game with no RDSF fixtures being played this weekend.
However, he will be unavailable for University's difficult encounter with Beserker the following weekend.
"Craig is a handy player and he will be missed," Spyve said.
Rockhampton Morning Bulletin, June 4, 1998, age 21
The silence. The sense of foreboding. The calm wind and still trees. Then it comes. The flash, the realisation. The sudden blur of black and white.
The terror and flailing of any available limbs. Half-closed eyes trying to focus on escape routes. The flapping noise continues and subsides as it wheels away.
The victor sits high-perched, cawing its triumphant song. The vanquished scampers away before another attack can ensue.
Every year at this time, dozens of people in the Ipswich area are attacked by magpies.
Those people who wander unwittingly into magpie areas are often dealt swooping blows, followed by angry looks and blood-curdling shrieks from this savagely territorial bird.
Even a round of golf is not safe from these winged terrors.
"It's a bit hard," noted one golfer, who wishes to remain anonymous for fears of reprisal attacks by the Magpie Mafia*, "when you try to take a hit and you have to look over your shoulder all the time. I'd love to have a bazooka at this time of year."
While that method maybe a little extreme, certainly awareness is a major factor in dealing with these feathered furies.
Sandy Gallop club professional Wayne Pickering does have some advice though. "It pays to be alert but not too scared," he said.
Mr Pickering noted that the number of belligerent magpies has increased slightly and that the season for swooping is drawing out with the warmer weather.
Older, teenage magpies are often seen as more aggressive as they claim their territory, no doubt fuelled by binge drinking, smoking and listening to heavy metal music.
Relocation of more aggressive magpies is often the most used option.
*N.B. Magpie Mafia may not be a real organisation and may have no affiliation with other related mafias.
The Queensland Times, November 27, 2004, age 27
Me tossing and turning,
The dog next door and the
cars roaring down the road.
Also I can see my pillow, sheets,
blankets, mirror, mobiles and toy.
I feel comfortable.
I can actually feel that my shirt feels
Rigety(sic) and my wardrobe feels bumpy and
things are good.
I feel special.
Tails Always Fails
Late Tackle Proves Costly
University's Craig Seymour has been suspended for two matches by Rockhampton District Soccer Federation for an intentional late tackle.
Feathers of Wrath
Ipswich hacker Craig Seymour says it's tough enough to improve your game without dealing with marauding magpies in the spring and summer months.